Before I started, I thought that I would no longer being a naïve person in relation to what I expected. I had already learnt my lesson in all those previous years of schooling. What did I wish for? Something I shouldn't ever have a right to wish for.
Despite everything, I didn't want to remain like the person that I was. I don't like studying. I don't want to be the one who goes straight home and does nothing but study all day. But when I try to not be that, I realize that if I don't study, nothing about me can be considered redeemable. What else could I be? Sure, I could be a substandard student who has a few friends, but the few friends that I'd have wouldn't be enough to make up for the cost of not studying. It's not as though less studying & potentially lower grades = more socialization opportunities. At least, not for me.
You know, I shouldn't be so unhappy and negative with where I stand- I should be glad that by studying, I'm able to achieve something that sometimes others can't achieve. It's selfish to wish that I want to be a person that I'm certainly not suited to being whilst keeping the same abilities that I have now.
And so in the end, I return to being the person that I was. I person I never wanted to be, but the only type of person I can be. The only type of person I need to be.
I'm sorry that this post is just depressing to read- People ponder on a lot of things when they're living alone.