It's a stupid, shallow mindset- why would you care so much about your outer appearance? People ultimately stay together because of what you are as a person, not who you'd like to be portrayed as indicated in your outer appearance (whether or not that reflects who you actually are is a different story).
Yet at the same time, there is a cold, underlying truth. Regardless of how far society may have developed in accepting people for who they are externally and internally, physical attraction (or at least, let's say cleanliness given that attraction is subjective and controversial) undeniably and irrevocably matters.
I think a part of me somewhat finds my inner person a seemingly repulsive, hypocritical and weak entity that is too far beyond repair or redemption. Hence, the only way to make up for this "mistake" is to polish the next best alternative, otherwise the outside appearance.
It may also be due to the fact that, I guess I've always been pretty harsh on myself when it comes to expectations. The fact that I'm very aware of my own limits before setting appropriately achievable expectations worsens how harsh I am on myself. Failure to meet expectations that I set inevitably warrants a lot of self-taunt and annoyance. Which is somewhat ridiculous, because wouldn't that suggest that my worst enemy is myself?
Well, I guess they didn't develop that phrase out of nowhere haha.