Nevertheless, the end of the year is coming around again, so instead of attempting to explain my absence, I may as well just go all the way and reflect on this year. Prepare for a long post haha. Or maybe a not so long one, depends xD
So, you all may have known that this was the first year I started college. Earlier on in the year, I remember posting about my insecurities and nerves in relation to starting: I wasn't quite sure what to expect, how heavy the workload was going to be, how easily I'd manage to make the transition into college. How different the system might be, and how quickly I would be able to adjust to that system.
There was a period of time when I felt somewhat cheated in the sense of workload. Before starting, many had told me that college was a lot easier compared to what I had been doing the past 2 years; that "it would be a breeze". However, contrary to that belief, I felt like I was studying harder than ever before. The amount of content that was covered in lectures and tutorials, as well as their expectations for us to read additional chapters and cover lecture material that we couldn't cover within the lecture's duration overwhelmed me.
Sure, I'm was attending classes in college for maybe 4 or so hours a day? But every minute out of class I had to spend writing notes. And it wasn't as though I didn't write notes during the classes. Even on the weekends, I spent all that time writing my notes.
Days turned to weeks, weeks into a term. As the semester progressed halfway, assessments started filing in; reports, exams, assignments. I fell behind on my notes as I continually worked tirelessly on finishing and submitting various assignments, studying for exams and quizzes.
As semester 1 reached that all-to-wonderful "finals" period, my notes for each class were at least 100 typed up pages. Given that I have 4 subjects, that meant I have over 400 pages to memorise word for word within the study week we were given before finals kicked in.
Finals came and went; holidays kicked in. I relaxed? I can't quite remember anymore- it all seemed a bit like a blur.
Semester 2 somewhat started and ended in exactly the same manner-- except I didn't really worry that much at the beginning since I already got used to most aspects of the system during Semester 1.
The only very notable and significant difference was that actually, my Semester 2 finals schedule was just slightly bit more unpleasant:
Saturday 14 November - Test 1
Monday 16 November - Test 2
Tuesday 17 November - Test 3
Thursday 19 November - Test 4
That's right: I had 4 exams to be taken in 6 days. Real exciting stuff, especially since the amount of content that I had to learn remained just as huge.
I guess I have to be a little bit more thankful however: after all, I heard that some people had two exams on the same day-- now that's what you call unpleasant.
College was so stressful; initially I did have time to watch anime, but eventually, I stopped watching new ones completely due to the fact that I didn't have anymore time.
Did I continue procrastinating? Of course. But I could no longer afford starting new animes and running the risk of marathoning the whole thing without facing dire consequences the next day.
I also stopped writing in my blog- beforehand, I used to write whenever I got the opportunity to, but honestly, that was really the problem here. If I didn't have something to say, I didn't have time to think about something thoughtful to write about. Furthermore, after spending all my time typing up my notes, I didn't want to continue typing on my blog- it was just too much.
I'm not saying that I didn't like my blog- not in the slightest- it was just that the idea of having to type more, even if it was about nonsensical things, no longer appealed to me because of how long I spent typing my notes for different subjects day in, day out.
Instead, I actually started singing. Haha, no, I'm not the type who sings their own songs- I just started singing songs that I found I liked and could sing given my limited vocal range.
To be fair, I actually do like singing a lot- I used to do it quite frequently, but as with most of the things I enjoy doing, I only like doing them in private. Singing by myself made me feel like I could personally really connect with the song I was singing, and also foster a sense of freedom and confidence in myself that I could never achieve if I were to sing in front of others.
This is how I generally procrastinated for the most part of the year.
Overall, I'm not quite sure how to feel about this year.
I finished a year a college-- yet, I feel like I'm still so mentally immature I don't actually feel like I'm really what they call "a college student". Perhaps it's just the sense of being overwhelmed by it all?
At this moment, it felt as though the year just passed so quickly -- although for some parts of during the year, particularly at the start of year, it felt as though the year would never end, dragging me endlessly along.