But the reality is, first term is actually almost finishing, like a conclusion to a Sonata's first movement.
I can't quite comprehend that I now have approximately 6 months left to prepare for my final exams.
I can't quite believe that I'm graduating at the end of the year.
I can't believe.....that I'm actually growing up.
In a way, this feeling really takes me back to the time when I was reading Catcher in the Rye. A lot of people in my class didn't like the book, and in particular, Holden as character. However, even at that point, I found that I could really relate a lot to Holden. Not in the smoking, getting kicked out of schools and walking around aimlessly way, but just the feeling of confusion and, uncertainty I guess.
I can't help but feel slightly scared about growing up. And no, this is not just because I like escaping from my responsibilities or that I'm immature and childish(though that holds more true to me that what some others may think).
Up to today, I've seen a lot of things. Happy things. Sad things. And sometimes, I really do think that ignorance is a blissful illusion. The more things you know, the more disillusioned, scared and uncertain you become about life and the future. The world is in no way idyllic in any sense of the word, and try as I might, I'm not the optimistic thinker that I once was, believing that everything will eventually be "alright" and work out.
But, I guess it's natural to feel slightly scared. After all, the idea of "adulthood" and "childhood" always seem to be completely different and separate from one another when really, they all are just in the one continuum that we know of as "life".
Eventually, what will be is what will be. Things will come, and things will go. We'll have to say as many farewells as we do hellos.
It's just like as Holden said:
you're going to do till you do it?
The answer is, you don't."