As the years progressed, my ideals changed. They were still fundamentally the same, but I changed- uncontrollable events forced me to eventually take on a more practical approach. I lowered my expectations somewhat: he wouldn't have to do anything big and fancy during birthdays, valentines. If he forgot about our anniversaries, I'd be sad, but it wouldn't make me cry rivers for days.
It'd be enough if all he did was just hold my hand when we walked and hugged occasionally to show that I meant something to him. We didn't need to go on lots of dates, take a bucket-load of photos to commemorate our time, or even broadcast it to anybody.
All I wanted was to know that he liked me freely- that he didn't "develop feelings for me" just because I confessed beforehand. Haha, but I guess it'd be extremely rude and disrespectful to their feelings if I were to just suddenly pop the question: "Do you really like me? Or is it just because I said I like you?"
Yet, if I really did find out that he had liked me freely and independent of my confession, would I be satisfied?
I know deep down, I actually want him to take the initiative. I wouldn't want to be the one who holds his hand first, to ask to go out on a date with him first. It's so childish and stupid, but I just can't shake off that tiny part of my subconscious that automatically links him taking the initiative to the depth of his feelings for me.
I must truly be a baka. xD